Bucky, Steve, and the Worm
by romeocitychicag
Summary: There's an evil worm going around Brooklyn, and Bucky's bent on stopping it. In this spoof of the episode "Sandy, SpongeBob, and the Worm", can Bucky and a reluctant Steve put an end to the worm's destructive days?


Bucky, Steve, and the Worm

Steve was sleeping alone in his and Buckys' shared bed. He was out with two dames, as usual on the failed double dates.

He was curled up in the beige bed when he heard and felt the ground shake, but it didn't wake him up. The thick blanket he was under slid off of him, ending with something crunching and swallowing it. The creature also coveted and ate his pillow.

Steve jolted awake. "Huh? Where are my blank-" He froze at the sight of the creature as it slithered out of the apartment and into the rest of the city.

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"I saw it!" Steve shouted on the middle of the army bar with everyone else who lived in Brooklyn surrounding him. "It was big, it was all wiggly, and it ate EVERYTHING!"

"That's horrible!" Howard Stark said beside the bar counter. He proceeded to chug an entire bottle of bourbon and toss it behind him, the glass shattering with a loud crash.

"It was an Alaskan bull worm!" Steve shrieked, the crowd collectively gasping.

"It took my childrens' homework!" A mother cried. Her kids, a boy and a girl, winked with a thumbs up from the window outside.

"It ate my wheelbarrow!" A farmer said. He displayed the red wheelbarrow, which had a huge chomp mark out of it.

"I say we build a moat!" A person in knight armor said, holding up his sword.

"Why don't we take Brooklyn, and push it somewhere else?" Howard interrupted. The clamor instantly silenced.

"That idea just might be crazy enough..." Peggy Carter began. She paused. "To get us all killed!" The commotion came back.

"I'll catch your worm for ya," a voice rang out. The crowd again silenced. "That is if you're willing to pay." The voice was revealed to belong to Bucky, his feet propped up on one of the tables.

"No!" Howard shouted. "I would rather eat you all alive than have anyone touch even a cent of my fortune!" He breathed heavily while everyone stared at him. "Sorry." he muttered, embarrassed.

"Relax, I don't want your money." Bucky said. "I was just playing up the drama of the moment."

"Bucky, no! Don't do it! It's an Alaskan bull worm!" Steve pleaded.

"It's personal. He took my war medal. He must've got it when I was out with the ladies. I'm not gonna take that sitting down!" He looked down, realized he was sitting, and quickly stood up. "I'm going. Right now." Bucky concluded. He walked out.

"Bucky, wait! Bucky!" Steve ran after him.

"So, what was that idea of yours?" Peggy asked Howard.

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"Push!" Howard ordered the population of Brooklyn to do to their town. It moved about an inch.

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"Bucky, you don't know what you're up against!" Steve said, following Bucky out of town to track down the worm. "It's big, scary, and pink!"

"So is every other worm, and I'm not afraid of them." Bucky said.

"But you'll get massacred!" Steve shouted.

"Steve, I have this handled. Relax." He began to walk away when Steve stopped him.

"Wait!" he interrupted. "What if the worm didn't take your medal?"

"If he doesn't have it, then who does?"

"I do."

"Really? Where?"

"...In my pocket." Steve stammered.

"Why didn't you say so earlier? Come on, hand it over." Steve jammed his hand into the pocket of his brown jacket and pulled out a paper clip and string. "Steve, that's a paper clip, and a piece of string."

"No it's not. This is your medal."

"Steve!"

"How would you know? It's always hidden in your jacket!" He jumped onto Bucky. "Don't go, don't go, don't go!" he whined.

"Steve, what is the matter with you?" Bucky asked as he peeled his best friend off of him. "Now you're not gonna slow me down anymore!"

"What if I said, bzechgeganbkeukin?" Steve said when Bucky began his trek toward the worm.

"We'll I'll admit it, you slowed me down." Bucky confessed. "But I'm still going after the worm!"

Steve ran next to Bucky. "I've got ice cream!" he said in a sing-song voice. He stopped when Bucky didn't respond. "With nuts."

Steve came back wearing a mask that looked like a woman's face. "James Barnes, this is your mother speaking, and I'm not gonna let you go after that worm." When he kept moving, Steve chased after him. "You come back here, young man!"

"You ain't my mom!" Bucky spat back.

Steve reappeared with red boxing gloves. "Bucky, if you want to go after that worm, you're gonna have to go through me!"

Bucky pushed him aside and continued on his path. Steve jumped on his back. "I'm begging you Bucky, don't go!" he cried.

Bucky pried Steve off of his back. "Steve, who is the strongest person you know?"

"You are." Steve answered.

"And who has put the slip on more Hydra goons than anyone?"

"You did."

"And who has saved your skinny ass backside from all shades of bullies?"

"You did." Steve quickly muttered.

"Now, repeat after me," Bucky ordered. "There ain't nothing too big or too bad for me to catch."

"There isn't anything..." Steve began.

"Ain't nothing!" Bucky shouted in his friend's face.

"Ain't nothing!" Steve shouted back. "Too big or too bad for you to catch."

"Thank you. Now, no buts!" The rest of the way to the beast was filled with Steve's buts and Bucky silencing them.

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The dirt road that the pair were traveling on came to an end at the mouth of a pink cave.

"He's in that cave." Bucky said.

"How do you know?" Steve asked.

"Because there's worm sign here." He scooped up a bit of dirt to reveal a sign that said "worm" on it. "I'm going in."

"Bucky, wait! You're making a big mistake!" Steve pleaded.

"What did I say about no buts?" Bucky countered. "I ain't coming out 'till that worm's in knots!" As Bucky ventured in, Steve whimpered as he hid behind a rock.

"There you are, you slimy vermin!" Bucky threatened. "Take this!" Kicking and punching noises could be heard from the cave. "I'm winning Steve!"

"Bucky, that's-" Steve started.

"Almost done!" Bucky interrupted.

"Bucky, that's not-" Steve shouted again.

Bucky was riding the worm, which was the same shade of pink as the cave. "I got him Steve!"

He jabbed at the worm a few more times, then kept good on his promise and tied the worm up. He stood triumphantly on top of the tangled mess. "That wasn't so hard. Look, I even got my medal back." He opened his jacket to reveal the shiny retrieved war medal.

"That's not the worm." Steve said, still huddled behind his rock.

"What?"

"That's not the worm. That's his tongue."

Bucky looked up to find the worm head, two black eyes blinking. "Oohh. This is the tongue, and the whole thing is the worm." Bucky said, it sounding labored. He paused. "Run for your lives!" he suddenly yelled.

The worm bit its tongue back, sending Steve and Bucky dashing in the opposite direction.

"You have a plan, right Bucky?" Steve asked while the two were running.

"Run faster!" Bucky demanded.

"I could have thought of that," Steve said to himself. "Hey, wait a minute! I was right, wasn't I?"

"Later!" Bucky pleaded.

"He is too big for you to handle, isn't he?"

"Please, Steve!"

"I want to hear you say it."

"Steve!"

"Say it or I'll trip you!" Steve threatened, one of his legs extended in front of his friend to prove his point.

"Okay fine! You were right and I was wrong! I was wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong!" Bucky confessed. "Are you happy now?"

"I knew it." The worm increased speed, causing the two to scream again and run faster.

The path they were running on became lined with trees. "What do we do, Bucky?" Steve asked again, more desperate this time.

Bucky glanced at the trees. "Wait! Steve, do you still have that paper clip and string?"

"I'm way ahead of ya, Bucky!" He quickly fashioned a necklace with a shape resembling an S made out of the paper clip and slipped it on. "The S is for Steve. That way, the authorities'll be able to identify both our bodies, since we're best friends."

"How about S, for save our skins?" Bucky yanked the necklace off of Steve, lassoed it around one of the branches on one of the trees, grabbed Steve and swung them on top of the worm.

"We'll be safe up here." Steve said.

"Yup." Bucky confirmed. "Now we just sit and-"

The worm went careening off of a sudden cliff.

The two screamed as they desperately sprinted off of the falling worm, while managing to jump back to land at the last second.

"We saved the town, Steve!" Bucky said.

Steve had his knees bent and his hand to his chest. "I can't breathe." he wheezed.

"Let's get you back home." Bucky concluded. He put Steve's arm around his shoulders and traveled back that way.

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"Push!" Howard commanded. Brooklyn moved by a few inches. "Push!" The city again moved a few inches. The townspeople cheered.

A rapidly growing shadow loomed over the city as the falling worm crashed on the city.

"Ouch." The worm bellowed.


End file.
